Modesty &: Courtship (Part 1)
Hey family! We’re kicking off our new series “Modesty &”, where we talk about popular topics, what the Bible has to say about them, and what modesty has to do with it. This week, we’re talking about modesty and courtship. While courtship isn’t mentioned by name in the Bible, that doesn’t mean that God did not have anything to say about it in His Word. We’ll find that there are some great guidelines for a holy courtship within the Bible. Let’s get started!
What does the Bible say about courtship?
Let’s start out in Genesis 24 where Abraham’s servant goes out in search of a wife for Isaac. Within this story, there are some key points, principles, on how we are to consider and enter into courtship. In verses 3 & 4, it says:
“And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
but thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.”
Here, Abraham is telling his servant, go find a wife for my son Isaac, but do not go into the land of Canaan to search for a prospective wife. In Abraham’s day, the Canaanites were wicked and full of sin. From sexual immorality to worshipping the sun god Baal, Canaan is a symbol of Babylon. The lesson to take away from this verse is:
Do not be unequally yolked with unbelievers. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Many enter into courtship with others not knowing their beliefs, and after finding out that they are not Christians, they continue with the courtship in hopes of being the one person to bring them to Christ. This is a dangerous way of thinking, friends. While we are to be servants, planting seeds in those around us, it is NOT our job to convert an unbeliever! We plant the seed, but the Holy Spirit makes the seed grow. We cannot trust ourselves to perform a job that only God can fulfill. When considering a prospective partner, it is a biblical principle that they be equally yoked with you in every sense. Meaning spiritually, emotionally, and in truth. This point of being equally yoked is too often narrowed to the prohibiting of courtship/marriage with atheists etc. Are two equally yoked if one is in present truth and the other is not? Is it possible to be in the same denomination, and not believe in the same truth?
“Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly.
Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.”
Adventist Home, 45.1-2
Ellen G. White
Continuing in Genesis 24, verses 11 & 12:
“And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.”
In verse 7 , Abraham made it known to his servant that God promised to send an angel to go with him, and that God is intimately involved in the process. The servant then prays for guidance as he is aware that the search for a prospective wife is a serious duty. Concerning your future spouse, do you pray for the will of God? The point being made here is:
Prayer is essential to keeping God’s will for your life, that includes your courtship ( Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 6:18, Job 22:27, Matthew 26:41)
Continuing on in verses 13 & 14, Abrahams servant thought to himself, I will ask of a woman at this well to provide water to me, as an act of courtesy. Where he came from, he was used to Abraham and his family having courtesy and manners (and in these times, it was customary for daughters to give water to both their father and their cattle), and only a woman fit with the same type of character would be appropriate for Isaac.
Develop a modest christian character (Ephesians 5:1)
When considering courtship, we need to consider our own personal characters, our personal walk with God. What kind of character do I have? What will I bring to the table? Will I cause this brother to backslide from my lukewarmness? Am I standing strong in the faith of Jesus? Do I have Godly motives for this courtship, that if it turn into marriage, I recognize that it is God’s, and I am pointing my partner to Him? We need to ask these kinds of questions when thinking about courtship. Jesus always cared about the other before ever caring about himself. To be modest in courtship is to think of your partners salvation, think of service and what you can do for them. Selflessness is a big part of a courtship, and you have to learn whether or not you’re willing to do that with this person. This also means realizing if you’re not right for them, and for their well being, stepping away despite your feelings. Is this courtship glorifying God? If we were to enter into marriage, would Christ be the center?
Check back in next Saturday for part 2 of this topic within the series.
Happy Sabbath!
