A Page From My Journal: Entry 4- Life Update Pt.1
Hey Familia!
It’s been a while since i’ve posted, and I’ve got to say I’ve missed you all! Blogging has always been a release for me, and I’m happy to be back. So much has happened this year, so let’s get started!
Dec 2020 -We Got Engaged!
At the end of December of 2020, after 4 and a half years of courting, Paul and I got engaged! Our courtship had so many lessons, so much joy and pricking moments, and so many realizations. Be on the lookout for a blog post on courtship! There are so many who approach courtship for the sake of getting married and having a partner. For some it may be for the passion or lust they have for that other person. If there is anything that I can share concerning courtship it is this: God should always be the first and primary person. His will should always be its foundation. It is only in His will, with Christ at the center, that we can enjoy safety.
“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”
- 1 Corinthians 10:31
Often people think that marriage and courtship are theirs and that it belongs to them but in truth, everything that we have, every good and perfect gift, belongs to Him. That includes our courtships and our marriages. Ask yourself, what are my intentions with this person? What am I looking to achieve? Do I want to fulfill my own passions, or do I have the divine permission and duty from my Father to engage in this important ministry? Yes, marriage is a ministry. I really look forward to creating a separate series on this, but for now, I’d like to leave this thought here:
“God made from the man a woman, to be a companion and helpmeet for him, to be one with him, to cheer, encourage, and bless him, he in his turn to be her strong helper. All who enter into matrimonial relations with a holy purpose—the husband to obtain the pure affections of a woman's heart, the wife to soften and improve her husband's character and give it completeness—fulfill God's purpose for them.
Christ came not to destroy this institution, but to restore it to its original sanctity and elevation. He came to restore the moral image of God in man, and He began His work by sanctioning the marriage relation.”
- The Adventist Home 99.1 & 2
Ellen G. White
January 2021 - My Father Passed Away
Only a short week after our engagement, my father passed away (on Paul’s birthday). On the eve of my now husband’s birthday, my father was able to join us in celebration. That same night, he had a brain aneurysm that was too far within his brain for the doctors to find, and he was declared brain dead the next day (which was Pauls actual birthday). It all happened so fast. My dad was very healthy, active, and looked after his health, so it was a shock to everyone when we heard. The conversations we were having, the time spent, will never be taken for granted. I spent time in the hospital that entire week just praying, that God bring my father back to me. Alas, that was not in God’s plan. Throughout this year, I had to learn more and more about God’s will for my life. Often, we ask God to grant us wishes, as though He were our personal genie. Even in our most broken moments, God has a plan for our lives, a plan that predates our existence, “thoughts of good and not of evil".” It is something that we will never understand until He explains it to us when the scroll unrolls. I truly believe that God took my Father because it was his time. While my dad did not have full understanding of the plan of salvation and righteousness by faith, he did have faith in Jesus, and wanted to spread the message. When Jesus comes back, I have faith that my father will be in the glorious first resurrection of His saints.
March 2021-My Anxiety Formed
Needless to say, it took me a while to come to peace with my Dad’s passing. I developed overwhelming anxiety and ended up having to take a leave from my job for a few months. At this point, so much was going on—
GRIEVING (this is in caps because I didn’t even realize it was happening)
Planning a Wedding
Take care of my Dad’s estate (I was considered next of kin)
House hunting with my fiancé
I realized that I couldn’t handle everything on my own, and instead of going to God for His peace, I fed into my anxiety. This is not to say that anxiety and depression is not real and should be brushed over- it is a very real, chemical reaction going on in your mind. This is why we are told to guard our hearts (minds), for out of it are the issues of life!
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23
God is the ultimate physician! Even so, I went to a therapist and psychiatrist, which really helped me sort through my feelings. However, at a certain point I had to stop because God was not present. Yes, God is interested in your mental health and wants to be a part of that journey! Don’t deny your mental health, bring it to God! Prayer and supplication works. Letting go and letting God handle your anxiety, stress, depression, and doing the work simultaneously! What is the work? Continuing to surrender, pray, keep in communion with God. When all of your focus is turned to Jesus, your worries truly do melt away, and that gives God the opportunity to do His work in our lives!
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
So many doubt this when it comes to mental health. “God helps in every respect, but mental health Ashley? Go to a doctor, go to a therapist. Prayer alone isn’t going to work. This is a disruptive and dangerous way of dismissing your need of mental health. It is real, go to a professional”. Friends, God IS A PROFESSIONAL. Who created your doctor? Who created your therapist? God has full knowledge of mental health, of everything in the universe. Why trust the creation with your mental well being but not your Creator? If you don’t give God the chance to help, you will never see it! This is really a test on our faith. How much do we trust God??
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Jeremiah 29:11 KJV
Be on the lookout for part 2 to this life update! Maranatha
